You Cannot Put Out A Roman Candle

Good Morning Gentle Readers,

Tim Cavanaugh once observed that a people who need the government to define what barbecue actually is cannot be considered a free people in any meaningful sense, which sort of sums up the state of the Republic in the new century.

Not to be outdone by California, Arizona, apparently, has raised the fireworks pot. I'll see your patchwork bans and raise it to a full, outright, statewide ban on everything from sparklers to bottle rockets, leaving residents to privately celebrate their independence with glow worms and confetti poppers from WalMart, some of which were louder than the real McCoy.

On the outskirts of Santa Fe, The Boy and I sauntered into Pyro Mania (not making that up) which seemed to be staffed entirely by gregarious Indians (feather, not dot) who, with sly smiles and an exxagerated shrug of the shoulders told us they just didn't know if bottle rockets, fire crackers, M-1800's, fountains, roman candles (and the two foot high mortar launcher guaranteed to put Disney's finale to shame) were legal next door in the Grand Canyon State.  Truth is, TWC expected gun-toting Arizona to be a bit more open minded about blowing stuff up.

Back in the day we enjoyed America's birthday celebration with Safe 'N Sane fireworks courtesy of the local Boy Scout Troop. Given that Casa de las Rocas Grandes is in a tinderbox and a complete fireworks ban is in force, The House Blond and The Boy have never once written their names in the air with a sparkler. We aimed to cure that deficit.

Suffice it to say that the fear of repercussions resulted in a toned down sort of a celebration. Still the kids were awed and thrilled by the colored smoke bombs, multi-colored fountains, firecrackers, and boxes and boxes of shimmering sparklers.

The Boy remained mightily disappointed about the Roman Candles but Uncle Will was firm. The HOA would likely have puppies over something so brazen and the neighbors might call The Man. Being he's a two term HOA president, it'd not look good on his resume to be sanctioning the use of contraband.

Later, I called out to the The Boy and we took a stroll. Found an ideal spot, too.

Here now, hold this thing. Point it down the road. I'll light it. Do not shoot it up in the air or off into the roadside flora.

Hadn't heard a car for two hours but you know what happened next. Got that  thing lit up and a BIG 4X4 roars through the gate, whereupon we commence our Three Stooges Do Fireworks routine.

Holy Crap! (expletive deleted) car coming. Dude! Shove that thing into the remains of the monsoon mud.

Bam! Red mud, gravel, sticks, debris.....pummeling Jake, back lit by fireballs and stars exploding in every direction.

Buried the dead remains in a shallow, red mud grave and tippy toed away.

No Sir, not us.....heard all the commotion, just checking things out. The box of kitchen matches? For the barbeque.

As Ever,

TWC 

Comments

[The Kosmik Kid]

Mikey,

By now you may have seen the awesome photos one of our guests took of the fireworks at our July 4th party (2nd annual). When I went out to buy a couple more bottles of Orphellin before the party, I talked to Ben, the proprietor, who told me that rumors were rife that the State police would close down all unauthorized fireworks displays. Well, it didn't happen, at least not near us (rockets were visible exploding all over the area) but it won't surprise me if it happens next year.

Secure that Homeland!

[Brianp]

To which the 4WD occupants countered?

Ah yes, those were the days. In years past, we have acquired pyrotechnic devices which we placed on a floating platform in the middle of the pool. Fire safe, and out of sight, excepting for the eyes of those of Uppity Uphill Neighbors.
This year however, we were relegated to watching, a poor attempt to appease the masses by the Powaygeons, whilst sitting on a street corner. :-(

[Chatelaine]

hahahahahah! :)

At first I thought you meant you buried Jake's dead remains.

[TWC]

The 4wd occupants turned out not to be the pain-the-butt buttinski neighbors we thought they would be. They didn't care at all. Just roared on by.

[TWC]

For a few seconds I was wondering if I'd be burying Jake's remains. :-)

[TWC]

Kos, have not yet seen said awesome photos........where should I look?

Az was threatening to enforce the $500.00 fine but there was little evidence they did. However, we were double whammied being that the in-laws live in an HOA development and nobody else was lighting up. Still was good, lots of firecrackers, illegal Vesuvius fountains, spinners, smoke bombs, sparklers, etc. We just didn't get to break out the ground mortars and bottle rockets. Would have been an easy and direct target. Fined by the busy bodies at HOA and The Man. Kids loved it and had never seen that stuff before.

[Anne Donlon]

I bet next year and maybe for many more, you'll hear, "Dad, remember..." That's great. My son got to see fireworks 3 times this week, and had his first experiences with sparklers. He was a happy camper. I'm glad yours go to have that fun too. Childhood is so short! I hope the rest of your vacation is just as memorable!

[Cap'n NoStar]

Do you remember poking a hole in the bottom (unopened end) of a tin can, fitting a firecracker in the hole, setting the can (open end down) into a platic tub with about an inch of water, lighting the firecracker, and watching the can shoot into the sky?

Another fun memory: My brother and I taped several bottle rockets together to see what would happen. It didn't go higher or faster. It did raise up about 4 feet high, turn horizontal and shoot straight towards us, swing back around for a second pass. I died before hitting us.

We learned that Rocket science was indeed hard.

Cap'n NoStar

[Cap'n NoStar]

Correction: IT died before hitting us. I nearly died of fright.

[TWC]

Never got to do any illegal fireworks until I was an older teen and we used to have skyrocket wars in the sand dunes of Ensenada Mexico. You can't buy a gun down there but you can buy all the fireworks you want.

[TWC]

Thanks, Anne, I bet you're right.

[Col. Hogan]

I used to like to light a firecracker and toss it into the river. There was a most satisfying water explosion that reminded me of the depth charge blasts in the old WWII movies.

[Danny]

I used to live in New Mexico and our town had the best Fourth of July celebrations I've ever experienced. My family would come from all around, bring air mattresses, and line every spare spot on the floor. My dad would cook breakfast for everybody, then we'd do the fun run in the morning, go to the festival in the park during the day, and then onto the baseball fields for the fireworks show. A huge staple was the water polo tournament, where large teams would line up, the fire dept would hook up the hoses, put a tetherball on a 200 foot long line, and the first team to get the tetherball to the opposing side wins. There was also tons of swimming games and other competitions all through the day at the pool and park, as well as a tennis, basketball, and horseshoe tournament.

Yeah, I miss it... A lot. Once my kids get big enough, I'm bringing them all through New Mexico a couple of times. Once for the 4th, and another in the fall to hear the greatest marching band I've ever heard, the NMSU Aggies, which is the only school to mention drinking in their fight song, as far as my brother told me.

Anyway, the point is I really remember the joy I always had with fireworks, and I'm glad your kids finally got to experience them first-hand!

[TWC]

Great story, Danny. I, too, am happy the kids got to experience fireworks up close and personal. I understand wildfire concerns, but the libertarian in me also keeps saying 'no harm, no foul'. If you don't start a fire with your bottle rockets have you committed a crime?

Still, where I live wild fires are a frequent reality. So, I'll give them the benefit of the doubt, but I don't understand a statewide ban nor do I understand why most cities even ban Red Devil Safe & Sane fireworks which couldn't start a fire in a lake of gasoline.

[TWC]

Oh, when we bought the first batch of fireworks in Utah (AT WALMART)I noticed a sign advertising the city fireworks display. At the bottom it said BYOF (you could bring your own fireworks to light off as well).