The Wine Commonsewer

The Day After

Good Morning Gentle Readers,

James Lileks says.....

I’m never happy to see Christmas pass; it makes all the decorations and holiday gear suddenly seem sad and out of date. It shouldn’t be so, as we are celebrating The Season, and that lasts beyond The Day, right? But we all know better. Santa is a symbol of hope and delight on Dec. 23rd; on the 26th he’s heaped in clearance bins. Even his most fervent constituency, children, has moved on.

In Other News

Mrs TWC slipped one of these under the tree.

Won't mean much to the under-35 crowd, but for us Doobie Brothers burn-outs who hung onto a closet full of vinyl, half of which is laced with more campfire hiss and pop than the local Girl Sprout Jamboree, this could be a sweet deal. Think Geek reminds us that.....

It's a sad life being an outdated media format like the vinyl record. Once you were hi-tech and new with amazing sound... now everyone shuns you in favor of soulless shiny metallic discs. Is that the treatment a true audio pioneer deserves?

As Always,

TWC

We're Done

Gentle Readers,

My kids left cookies, milk, and...........wait for it.....The House Blond left a glass of wine for Santa. Good girl. 

And now, we're having a Blew Christmas. The winds are howling like deranged coyotes. I think that's how Tim Allen got the job in the first place. The old Santa was blown away.

Merry Christmas to you and yours.

As Ever,

TWC

Norad Tracks Santa's Journey In Real Time

Good Morning Gentle Readers,

The government tracks everything else we do, so it comes as no surprise that the guys at NORAD are tracking Santa. As of this post he's somewhere in Nigeria. Keep tabs on the Man With The Bag here. (Yes, kiddos, there's a Santa Cam). I 'spose if the ACLU gets wind of this, there'll be trouble.

Link here.

As Ever,

TWC

Modern America's Twelve Days of Christmas

Good Morning Gentle Readers,

On the 12th day of the Eurocentrically imposed midwinter festival, my Significant Other in a consenting adult, monogamous relationship gave to me:

• TWELVE males reclaiming their inner warrior through ritual drumming
• ELEVEN pipers piping (plus the 18-member pit orchestra made up of members in good standing of the Musicians Equity Union as called for in their union contract even though they will not be asked to play a note)
• TEN melanin deprived testosterone-poisoned scions of the patriarchal ruling class system leaping
• NINE persons engaged in rhythmic self-expression
• EIGHT economically disadvantaged female persons stealing milk-products from enslaved Bovine-Americans
• SEVEN endangered swans swimming on federally protected wetlands
• SIX enslaved Fowl-Americans producing stolen non-human animal products
• FIVE golden symbols of culturally sanctioned enforced domestic incarceration

NOTE: After members of the Animal Liberation Front threatened to throw red paint at my computer, the calling birds, French hens and partridge have been reintroduced to their native habitat.  To avoid further Animal-American enslavement, the remaining gift package has been revised.

• FOUR hours of recorded whale songs
• THREE deconstructionist poets
• TWO Sierra Club calendars printed on recycled processed tree carcasses
• AND a Spotted Owl activist chained to an old-growth pear tree

As Ever,

TWC

tip of the glass to Chris C

Happy Holidays From Al Gore

As Ever

TWC

tip of the glass to Ken F

Shirley Temple on Santa Claus

I stopped believing in Santa Claus when my mother took me to see him in a department store, and he asked for my autograph.

Dave Barry on The Holiday Season

Gentle Readers,

Back in the day of TWC's perpetual floating website that masqueraded as as an email newsletter, TWC always included three randomly changing quotes. When we moved to a fixed site three years ago we incorporated that into the site as it was always popular. I have a suspicion though, that many people don't notice that little box down on the left that says Notable Quotes and therefore I decided to throw a few out for your perusal.

In the old days, it was not called the Holiday Season; the Christians called it 'Christmas' and went to church; the Jews called it 'Hanukkah' and went to synagogue; the atheists went to parties and drank.  People passing each other on the street would say 'Merry Christmas!' or 'Happy Hanukkah!'  or (to the atheists) 'Look out for the wall!'

As Ever,

TWC

With One of These, I Can Get Anything I Want

Good Morning Gentle Readers,

Here's one item the House Blond won't find under the tree this year.

Word has it the Wal-Mart yanked the offending undies off the shelves in the adolescent department after parental complaints. That would be the key I suppose--on your wife? Cute. On your thirteen year old daughter? Not so much.

To be sure, Wal-Mart is free to offer goods for sale and is also free to withdraw said items from public sale after potential customers burn up the phone lines with invective.

Cue the tedious outrage in 10, 9, 8.......

For days to come we'll hear how this outrage evidences the latest moral decline of America's vagrant youth into the bottomless abyss of lipstick parties and designer drugs, hastened by our evil corporate culture where the only concern is turning a buck.

The other guys, who routinely beat up Wal-Mart for having (gasp) cheap prices that allow poor people to buy cool stuff, will temporarily switch sides to finger wag about cultural conservatives and how closed-minded censorship is forcing reactionary moral values onto the entire society in the name of protecting the children.

Not sure I'd work up the ire to complain but I dang sure wouldn't buy any for my daughter.

Note to all: Take Nancy's advice. Just Say No!

Full Disclosure: TWC LOL at the whole thing.

Full Story: Here.

As Ever,

TWC

Tip of the glass to Mrs TWC

But It's December The 24th.......

.....and I'm longing to be up north......

Good Morning Gentle Readers,

We're tired.........

Wishing you some of Mrs TWC's from-scratch chocolate chip cookies, because there's no point in clogging your arteries with stuff that tastes lousy.

Merry Christmas,

As Ever,

TWC

Cream Cheese Frosting

Gentle Readers,

The Wine Commonsewer cream cheese frosting goes like this...

8 oz cream cheese
1/4 lb butter
2 tablespoons vanilla (or one vanilla bean)
2 & 1/2 cups confectioners sugar

cream the butter, vanilla, and cream cheese without overdoing it

sift sugar into the mixture, 1/3 cup at a time

add food color if desired

add a couple of teaspoons of Amaretto or almond extract for a neat little flavor twist

Use it to frost from-scratch sugar cookies.

As Ever,

TWC