The Wine Commonsewer

Franken Food

Good Morning Gentle Readers,

Ran across Franken-Pepper last summer, sliced it open and , voila!

Like a bad propaganda tract from  the Rifkin crowd, this cancer-like growth appears to be part of the yellow pepper's vast internal struggle to return to its genetic roots, which are green. Course that's the stuff of alarmists and sci-fi thrillers.

Most store-bought yellow and red bell peppers are hybrids, manipulated for color. That's why the flavor is nearly identical to a traditional green bell pepper.

Vine ripened bell peppers naturally change color the longer they are left on the plant. Green mellows to orangish, which evolves into a reddish color, and finally a rosy sort of eggplant purple. At each stage the flavor is a bit different, becoming better as the pepper ages.

Am I against GM foods? I guess not, since everything we eat is genetically modified. We're just better at it than we used to be. No? Think about the last time you saw a milk cow in the wild.

As Ever,

TWC

Adding RSS Feeds to Outlook 2007

Gentle Readers,

This is the stuff that makes me crazy.

I want to add an RSS feed to Outlook 2007 because that's where all my fan mail is consolidated. Actually, it don't matter why, I just want it there. For you-know-what and giggles.

Easy Cheezy as my House Blond would say. Except it ain't. You'd think it would be a simple copy and paste into the little popup dialog box in Outlook. You'd be wrong.

Eight years into the New Millenium and you have to type the feed info into the box by hand. Which means a convoluted effort with a fair chance of transposing a digit.

Or, you could spend fifteen to thirty minutes and learn that if you type CONTROL + V at the same time, you can paste the feed into the dialog box.

Control + V?

That's pretty intuitive.

As Ever,

TWC

ION USB Turntable Review

Gentle Readers,

Finally got a chance to fiddle with my hi-tech Christmas gift, which instantly transported TWC to De Javu-land. Not the records, but the turntable itself. Things like anti-skip, cartridge, platter, and grams of pressure adjustments. Flash to the Stone Age, and I was humming along, putting stuff together like I knew what I was doing. Just like adjusting the fuel mixture on a Holley carburetor. Okay, maybe more like riding a bike. You don't forget how.

The House Blond took an immediate interest in the ten inch records with their colorful jackets. She spent a long time admiring the album art and reading the song titles. Jacob thought the turntable itself was eminently cool even though it looked as foreign to him as something out of a Star Wars picture. This is cool, Dad. What's it do? [immediately starts pushing buttons and touching everything] Katie wanted to know if she could do that rapper thing with the tone arm.

First impression:  Although the ION USB turntable is cool, it isn't as well made or as solid as my still-functional Fisher (circa 1982). Except for that USB part that is. The ION doesn't come with a lid or a dust cover, the platter isn't close to as heavy or substantial, and I'm pretty sure the Fisher is direct drive. That ain't a big problem though because the sole mission is to get the vinyl into digital format.

Software: The ION comes with two programs. EZ Vinyl Converter, which worked fine except for the rhythmic clicking in the speakers (not evident on the recorded product). EZ Vinyl is a no frills conversion program that is easy to use and gets right to the point. Audacity is a powerful program that allows people with no life to spend hours and hours tweaking their antique record collection into something vaguely resembling the quality of a modern CD or MP3.  It has a big learning curve and I'm lazy. Or maybe it just doesn't work well with 64 bit Business Vista.

UPDATE:

The Audacity program works fine with 64 bit Business Vista, in fact, it does a great job. The key is understanding the program and setting the preferences.

Secondly, adjusting the gain settings on the turntable to minimum reduces distortion and background noise to a minimum. The gain control is right next to where you plug the USB line into the turntable.

Reality:  I was absolutely stunned at the awful condition of some of my albums. Snap, Crackle, & Pop. Hiss and campfire. Skips and stucks. Ghastly. Sounded like I was using a nail rather than a needle. You can clearly hear the campfire in this old Stones sample from Out of Our Heads. It's my understanding that a patient man can clean that up using the Audacity program.

Most of the really old stuff was virtually unplayable and rendered ever so much more awful by comparison to modern technological advances. Newer albums fared better, in part, because they were purchased, immediately recorded onto reel-to-reel tape, and then put away for posterity. Wish I'd kept those tapes. The Go Go's is a newer record and didn't get as much play as the Stones. Predictably, the sound is much better. I know, what self-respecting guy admits owning a Go Go's record?

Two surprises: I don't have as many albums as I remembered and many of the records I have enjoyed over the years I've already replaced with CD's and MP3's.

All that notwithstanding, it's a worthwhile investment for us fossilized throwbacks to another era. If your vinyl is in halfway decent condition, the plain vanilla format of the EZ Vinyl software is going do a quick and painless conversion of your records to MP3's.

As Ever,

TWC

A Simple Turkey Brine

Gentle Readers,

A little late for this, you should have begun already. Or, you can trot it out come Christmas. 

For the uninitiated, brining a turkey ensures a moist delicious bird even if your oven is unforgiving or your smoker tends to dry the turkey.

You'll need a big pot or other container. It has to be non-reactive, meaning plastic, glass, or stainless. Don't use cast iron or aluminum.

• Bring l.5 gallons of water to a gentle boil
• Add 1.5 cups of kosher salt
• Add 1.5 cups brown sugar
• Add 1/8 to 1/4 cup thyme leaves (fresh is best)
• Boil long enough to dissolve salt and sugar
• Stir occasionally

Allow the mixture to cool to room temp (you don't want to prematurely cook the turkey). Once cooled, put the turkey in the pot and fill the pot with the cooled brine mixture. Cover the turkey completely, cover the pot with foil or a lid, stick it in the fridge until Thanksgiving. 24 hours of brining is sufficient.

When you're ready to cook, rinse the turkey, discard the brine, and you are on your way to a succulent main dish.

FAQ

• The turkey does not taste sweet or salty
• Season as you would normally
• Cook normally
• The turkey will not be watery
• This brine does not impart much flavor to the turkey
• If the brine doesn't completely cover the turkey add more water

Done correctly, your turkey should look like this:

As Ever,

TWC

Best Grill Brush Ever

Gentle Readers,

As you know, Real Men do not cook on propane grills. We use Henry Ford's charcoal, or better yet, perk up a fire using mesquite, oak, or hickory and then allow it to burn down to hot coals in order to sear our favorite steaks.

And you terrorist sympathizers that insist on cooking with propane (boat guys are excepted) I must ask: Why do you hate America and what it stands for? But I digress, and rest assured, this baby has a place even with the Hank Hill crowd. UPDATE: Hank Hill works for Strickland Propane and is mighty proud of it (got some emails asking).

It's a 21" long handled grill cleaner by, who else? Weber. For ten bucks US, you get the best, hands down bar none, grill cleaner on the planet. Buy one. Today.

Most grill brushes are too short and scorch your hand when giving the hot grill a good scrub before cooking. The long handled wood brushes all have the wrong angle, which causes the front of the brush to quickly wear off. The Weber is long handled stainless (maybe galvanized) wire with a composite handle, a brass brush, and can be tilted to any angle. The design allows for good cleaning between the ribs of the grill, in the corners, and it even works well on the round grills found on Weber kettles.

Buy one at Sears or at ARC.

As Ever,

The Wine Commonsewer

How Computers Work

Gentle Readers,

Next time you're screaming obscenities at Microsoft stop and think how much easier your life would be if you fully understood how computers actually work.

As Ever,

TWC

tip of the glass to Charlie

All In The Presentation

Good Morning Gentle Readers,

As top chefs already know, half of the appeal of food is the presentation. This is how you make really special coffee.

As Ever, TWC

2002 Casa Lapostolle Merlot

Gentle Readers:

Last night we pretended we didn't have kids and ate late. Seeing how her birthday is just a few days away I made a special dinner just for Mrs TWC.

THE SALAD

Start with crisp bright green butter lettuce. Add thinly sliced avocado lightly seasoned with salt and pepper. Then add crumbled Amish bleu cheese, carmelized pears, carmelized walnuts, and a little chopped egg. Drizzle just a tiny bit of Vidalia onion/honey mustard dressing or a tease of balsamic vinegar and extra-virgin olive oil.

THE STEAK

Start with a choice filet. Let it warm to room temperature while you season it with finely diced shallots, fresh ground pepper, and coarse kosher salt. Grill it with mesquite (freshly acquired from one of our mesquite trees) until it's medium rare and juicy. You must use a real bar-b-que device because real men do not grill with propane. Serve with sauteed mushrooms.

THE WINE

A 2002 Casa Lapostolle Cuvee Alexandre Merlot, a Chilean wine produced by the Marnier family, the same folks who bring us Gran Marnier. The 2002 was created from dry-farmed grapes grown on sixty-year old vines.

It is a splendid wine, rich with black fruit and hints of dark chocolate, plus a little bit of black pepper and vanilla. The wine is quite substantial, an opulent, thick, purple-running-to-black color that is somewhat Bordeaux-like. It's bone dry with a lucious mouthful of yummy velvet that is not quite the liquid velvet of a really excellent, properly cellared cab. At the end there is a distinctively earthy feel on the backside.

Like many good Merlots the wine can easily stand in for a Bordeaux or Cabernet. It enhanced the mesquite flavor (and the black pepper) of the filets without overwhelming the delicate flavor of the carmelized pears.

Best of all, and this has been a consistent theme with TWC with respect to Chilean wines, it didn't give me the allergic reaction that many Chilean and Spanish wines tend to do. Nope, not the sulfites either, which all wines contain, both naturally and as an added preservative. My allergies to those certain wines is typical of what we think of as an allergic reaction. Stuffy head and sinus, mild headache, itchy eyes, couple of sneezes, more than likely brought on by the histamines in the wine. And mine always comes post mortem, ie, the next morning. Little Claritin usually takes care of it.

Salud

As Ever,

TWC

THE MUSHROOMS

Cook the Sauteed mushrooms like this.

THE CARMELIZED PEARS

Firm ripe fruit. Dice into half inch cubes. Melt some butter in an omlette pan. Melt some brown sugar in the same pan. Use a wooden utensil to mix the sugar and butter together until smooth. Every time the butter threatens to get too hot pour a little Chardonnay into the pan (this is one other thing white wine is good for). Then pour a little more Chard into the pan. You'll find that the Chardonnay will bring forth the pear flavors nicely. Sautee the pears until browned. Set aside to cool.

THE CARMELIZED WALNUTS

When you're done with the pears put some more butter and more brown sugar into the same pan. Use the same wooden utensil to mix it up until smooth and no sugar remains visible. Add a small amount of Chardonnay. Coarsely chop the walnuts and dump them into the mixture (which should be frothy by now). Cook stirring frequently until crispy. Not too long or you'll have something that resembles Walnut Brittle. Toss the stuff onto a plate. Let cool before tasting (I'm not kidding you'll burn your fingers and your tongue). Once cool break clumps apart.

No precision measuring here here because cooking is an intuitive art that's best done on the fly. My best guess is to use about a half stick of butter on each. About a quarter cup of brown sugar. About a quarter cup of Chardonnay. If it doesn't look right in the pan it probably needs more of something or less of something else.

One Thing White Wine Is Good For

Good Morning Gentle Readers,

Lips that touch white (wine) shall never touch mine. That is the Wine Commonsewer creed. But to properly prepare sauteed mushrooms one could probably put some otherwise ghastly white wine to good use and here's how:

TWC Sauteed Mushrooms

• 1 pound or so of thinly sliced mushrooms
• 1 good size scallion
• cheap (inexpensive, but not Tyrolia) white wine (dry not sweet) Columbia Crest Chardonnay is a nice choice
• 1/8 to 1/4 lb of butter

This recipe works because it uses real ingredients and is prepared fresh. Don't substitute or it won't taste right. You must also remember that cooking is quite intuitive and is often done by the seat of one's pants, if you will. Therefore feel free to increase or decrease ingredients to suit your taste or the number of servings desired. This recipe is quite expandable.

• In a large sautee pan pour approximately 1/3 to 1/2 inch of dry white wine.
• Add 1/8 to 1/4 lb of butter
• Turn the burner on just enough to melt the butter.
• Dice the scallions as fine as possible. Add the diced scallions to the butter and wine.
• Turn up the heat and reduce the sauce by half.
• Add the mushrooms and sautee to taste. You can do this while you're grilling the steak.

Voila, sauteed mushrooms.

UPDATE: Thanks for your emails. Yes you can use less butter. Yes you can do this without white wine, but you shouldn't. No, do not use garlic powder, onion powder, garlic salt, Lawry's or any other seasoning salt because it won't taste right. Yes, you may use pepper. No, the mushrooms do not need salt.

Happy Mundane

As Ever,

TWC