The Wine Commonsewer™

That Boy Is Nine Today

Gentle Readers,

Jake arrived on one of those days when you long for the cool breezes of Desert Center in August. It was a struggle for him and his momma and he came out blue. The nurse glanced at the doctor and said “This baby needs oxygen, right?” The doctor flashed her a look that said, Whaddyou? A maroon? (thanks Bugs) and then, with a wry, tired smile, using a calm and patient voice he said, “Yes, nurse, the baby needs oxygen”. I watched him turn from blue to pink. Just like one of those test strips. I can’t remember if the pink went from his head to his feet or the other way around. 

Although, it's only been a week or so since then, he started 4th grade on July 5 and is nine-years-old going on mouthy teenager already. And being about as shy as a Mack truck, he pretty much knows everybody at the school, faculty and staff included. His school handball skills are legendary and he often arrives home filthy from sliding across the courts on his face to save the ball.

He's a generous boy with a big smile and a slow fuse (unless it involves the House Blond). He's respectful to his ninety-year-old great-grandmother and often sits with her talking quietly.

Despite his, er, ah, attention difficulties (Like Alvin, he don't hear well neither), just plain being all boy, and his dislexia/disgraphia he’s reading at mid 6th grade levels (Jake loves reading). His math and science skills are excellent. His computer skills are pretty advanced as well. Spelling and handwriting are tough but his vocabulary is amazing.

Had I realized how much of a blessing he was going to be, I'd have ordered him ten years sooner when I had more energy.

Happy Birthday Son.

As Ever,

TWC

Jake in his Nascar race car at Irwindale Raceway

Hillary's Run For The Roses

Good Morning Gentle Readers:

In the tradition of Jib-Jab parodies, Flowgo presents I Can't Wait Til 2008.

Rated PG-13. Slow load for dial-up.

As Evoir (it's a French term that means 'ever' and is pronounced Evvvv-Wah)

The Wine Commonsewer

tip of the glass to Husbone

Theological Breakthrough? Scientific Technique? Both?

Gentle Readers:

Many of TWC's clients and readers are Pro-Life. While sometimes painted as archaic in beliefs and lifestyles most are highly successful, tech savvy, modern Americans. They attend Synagogue, take sacrament as lay Catholics, and worship at Catholic-lite mainstream protestant churches. There's a goodly share of Fundies, including those who hang with outfits like Calvary Chapel and the Vineyard. Although often surprising to the other side, when you get past the cookie cutter stereotyping it turns out that a significant number of Pro-Lifers aren't religious at all.

Like the president, most are conflicted when the promise of ending disease as we know it through stem cell research bumps into deeply held values with respect to the sanctity of life and when it actually begins.

William Hurlbut clicks his laptop, and an x-ray pops up on the projection screen behind him. It's a picture of a tumor in a woman's ovary - a ghostly blob floating near the spine. In the middle are several strange, Chiclet-shaped nodules. "Those white opacities," Hurlbut says, "are actually fully formed teeth."

And as simple as that, comes an answer to a complex question. An answer that removes the essential question of when life begins from the equation. In the same way that tumors are soulless...

Hurlbut advocates genetically altering cloned embryos so...they wouldn't have the DNA necessary to become viable humans. For the first few days of existence, they would grow normally and produce stem cells, but then die when a critical embryonic component - say, a placenta - failed to emerge. "They would have no coherent drive in the direction of mature human form," Hurlbut tells the crowd.

"It's analogous to growing skin in a tissue culture. Such an entity would never rise to the level of a human being." You could grow them in vats, kill them at will, and never risk offending God. As both a medical doctor and a deeply religious Christian, Hurlbut borrows from each side: It's a theological breakthrough in the form of a scientific technique.

Exciting stuff. Whole thing at Wired Magazine.

As Ever,

The WC

East LA Shooting Range

Gentle Readers,

It's a slam dunk that MALDEF and MEChA ain't going to be happy about this East LA Shooting Range video.

Send all harsh emails in protest to:

PendejoCabron at Winecommonsewer dot com OR
YouRacistPig at Winecommonsewer dot com

(yes these are valid email addresses)

As Ever,

TWC

2.0 mb download (copy of the file available by emailing: eastLA at winecommonsewer dot com)

tip of the glass to Chuck, Jeff, & Jorge

Pope Tinkers With Tradition

Good Morning Gentle Readers:

Despite howls of protest from around the world, German-born Pope Ratso continues to flout a millenium of tradition.  The Wine Commonsewer ran the very first world exclusive expose here.

As Ever,

TWC

tip of the glass to Charlie

State Sponsored Sexism

Good Morning Gentle Readers,

This is the third, perhaps fourth time that the California Franchise Tax Board has sent my guy a vaguely threatening letter asking him to confirm that he's qualified to claim Head of Household.

You'd think that it would be clear from the first few responses that each subsequent year's claim is clean, particularly since there is nobody else claiming his daughter as a dependent. You'd think they would stop asking him to repeat back to them pretty much the same information that has already been reported to them on the tax return. You'd also think that this diligence in protecting the state's interest would extend to female heads of household. And you'd be wrong. All three times.

Okay, it's not a double blind taste test, but I'm willing to bet a bottle of pretty good cab that there's been less than a handful of female clients that ever showed up at my office with one of these letters. I'm actually thinking there's been exactly one in twenty some odd years, but I could be wrong.

To be fair to the Government Boys, there are a ton of construction workers (read: men) out there paying big child support payments that figure they ought to be entitled to Head of Household since a big chunk of their paycheck is going to support the kids in the ex-spouse's household (Child Support Payments Are Not Deductible Either). There's also people who genuinely misunderstand the rules and the people who like to push the envelope and knowingly snake the Tax Boys.

FOR THE RECORD: The custodial parent is deemed to have provided more than half the support of any minor child.

HEAD OF HOUSEHOLD STATUS IS POPULAR because it incorporates some of the benefit of married/joint tax rates, which are more favorable than single rates. And, since there is only one income, Head of Household status avoids the marriage penalty that zaps many middle class two-earner households.

Here's how it works:

You can claim Head of Household status if you provided a home for certain other persons (dependents) AND if you were unmarried (legally divorced) or legally separated (has to be court ordered)  as of December 31 of the tax year if ONE of the following is true for the current tax year:

1. You claim one or both of your parents as a dependent and you paid over half the cost of maintaining their home (or they live with you) for the entire year.
2. You paid over half the cost of maintaining the home where you lived, and in which at least one of the following people also lived for more than half of the year:
   1. Your unmarried child, adopted child, grandchild, great-grandchild, or stepchild. The unmarried child does not have to be your dependent.
   2. Your married child, adopted child, grandchild, great-grandchild, or stepchild. The child must be your dependent unless your married child's other parent claims him or her as a dependent under the special rules applicable to a noncustodial parent.
   3. Your foster child, who must be your dependent, and must have lived with you all year.
   4. Any of the relatives listed below, whom you can claim as a dependent:
      • Grandparents
      • Siblings
      • Your mother-in-law, father-in-law, daughter-in-law, son-in-law, brother-in-law, or sister-in-law
      • Your uncle, aunt, nephew, or niece. These relatives must be blood-related to you. For example, your uncle is blood-related to you if he is either your mother's or father's brother.

Read on for a cool little exception to the rules above. If you are not divorced or legally separated, you may also file as Head of Household if you meet all five of the following conditions:

1. You lived apart from your spouse for the last six months of the taxable year.
2. You file a separate return from your spouse.
3. You paid over half the cost of maintaining your home for the year.
4. Your home was the primary home of your child, adopted child, or stepchild for more than half the year, or was the primary home of your foster child for the entire year.

There's a little bit more to all of this, but these are the general rules applicable to Head of Household status.

Clear As Mud?

As Always,

The Wine Commonsewer

   

Gotta Reconsider Fishing

Gentle Readers,

I may be mistaken but my bona fides are top drawer. I’ve been hanging out at the Colorado River since I was fourteen years old. Spent a lot of time at Lake Mead, Lake Havasu, & Lake Mojave, as well as Topock & Parker.

I’ve never seen nothin’ like this in any bass boat.

Without exception, it's always a bunch of smelly guys in cammo bush hats sporting sunburnt knees and three days beard growth. Sometimes they’re surly when we cruise by (in the boat with the politically incorrect big fat Chrysler V-8) other times they’re wearing ear-to-ear grins. Always they’re  guzzlin' beer and zipping around from cove to cove like big squat mosquitos looking for that perfect spot to drop a line.

Cool panorama of Hoover Dam here (dial-up not recommended)

As Ever,

TWC

tip of the glass to Vinnie

Red Sky At Morning

Gentle Readers,

Early this morning TWC & the dogs scrambled down the hill to check on the watering. The air is different today, a palpable change from earlier this week. It's thicker, clearer, and dense with the smells and textures that come with a Colorado River thunderstorm. There's a wet-earth edge to it too, fragrant with the smells of cattails and cottonwoods.  I'd make book on thunder, lightning, and hard rain by mid-afternoon. A nuisance for some, but something to look forward to for us.

As Ever,

TWC

Mesquite tree at sunrise looking toward Mt San Gorgonio from Casa de las Rocas Grande

A Rude Surprise

Good Morning Gentle Readers:

Last Sunday morning I hear the House Blond, age six, hollering Ew and Gross at high decibel. Heard the pitter patter of That Boy's feet as he ran to her room and then joined her for a whole chorus of Ew's. Figuring the dog had barfed or there was a dead something near the door, Mrs TWC sauntered down the stairs and was horrified at what she saw on the computer screen.

Katie had typed Oops I Did It Again into Google, which is something she does frequently, because she likes to listen to snippets of Bubble Gum MP3's that are available on those bopper web sites. This time she clicked on some link that took her into a porn site, which then hijacked her browser so that each time she tried to leave the site another porn site popped up. In the space of two minutes she had 12 or 15 porn pages open.

Apparently, the illegality of hihacking browsers when the user tries to close a page isn't high on these guys list of website maintennance priorities.

I really was surprised and honestly didn't think this would be an issue for another two or three years at least. Needless to say I changed the settings in preferences. I don't care that Google filters too much. The medium setting didn't filter nearly enough.

Jake wanted to know if those were real people doing that stuff to each other.

Not sure what his mother told him.

As Ever,

The Wine Commonsewer

Put Another Wrinkle On Yer Birthday Cake

Ahhhhh, yes, almost forgot, Linda S celebrates today.